It is common for people to never truly outgrow their deep, inner referencing to their mother in their life choices. It doesn’t matter if the mother has died. It makes no difference at all. The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world. Once authentically outgrown, we find that no one can ever have that hold over our consciousness again. Once the pivotal person is internally conquered, all are conquered. Outgrow mother and we outgrow everyone. It only takes a visit of more than a few days to our birth families to activate all the buried content of our consciousness. We were born, bred, and fed on that parental mind and it takes years of deliberate effort to consciously overcome it. In fact, so widespread is this phenomenon that most people have no idea that it is in operation within their thoughts. And there is no greater enemy than the one unrecognized.
Our tendency to cling to family life with rapt attention is the family romance – one which often has a love/hate theme. We may spend many years reacting to it, trying to escape its influence. Either way, it is imprisoning. The power of family over our consciousness is so inbred and strong that it will generally take a lot of work to free ourselves from it. We can recognize and then rise above clinging to the invisible mental structure of our family and using it for security, acceptance, and an agenda with which to approach life.
The process of disengagement is much easier when the mental climate of the family already allows and encourages true independence, freedom, and respect. Less is held on to. Less is asked in return. The family romance is less commanding and certainly more conscious. To some extent, the disengagement is already active. Children grow up to find true independence, not the pretence of independence while all the time being driven by unconscious family conditioning. Such parents give their children back to God.
Family as God
There is a strong tendency for humans to hold family as their God. It’s not a bad God and it’s a great deal better than many other Gods. However, from a spiritual or evolutionary viewpoint, it is intrinsically flawed. We experience, on the one hand, the pain and loneliness of isolation and, on the other, the pain and conflict of average family life. Of course, there are those who don’t get lonely and families that function in relative harmony but it is not that common. Loneliness and family conflict come from the same interpersonal worldview.
As a young adult, I learned that all unconscious interaction will have a price and that it is a road leading in circles. Everywhere I looked, I could not find a human answer in other people. The best I saw was individual people temporarily happy or rare blessed families which seemed to be spared a number of the normal human tensions because of the wise guidance of its matriarch or patriarch. If we understand that the purpose of our life is to be a focal point of love and healing, we can never feel lonely again. The concept of loneliness and its consequent craving doesn’t make sense to us anymore. Nor can we feel trapped by the vicissitudes of family life.
Such an attitude can only be developed in a soul that is looking for answers that are higher than normal human life. The person will still enjoy life and love other people, actually, much more than others enjoy and love. However, enjoying life and seeking confirmation from others will not be the goal. The goal will be to align with the invisible Force of Life in whatever form it is perceived by the individual. One will see all relationships in a different way to normal people. The level of happiness of such a person improves enormously. The spirit of kindness, peace, and love become the moment-by-moment mentality of such a person.
This article is from Love’s Longing