Outgrowing Mother

It is very common for people to never truly outgrow their deep, inner referencing to their mother in their life choices. It doesn’t matter if the mother has died. It makes no difference at all. The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world. Once authentically outgrown, we find that no one can ever have that hold over our consciousness again. Once the pivotal person is internally conquered, all are conquered. Outgrow mother and we outgrow everyone. It only takes a visit of more than a few days to our birth families to activate all the buried content of our consciousness. We were born, bred, and fed on that parental mind and it takes years of deliberate effort to consciously overcome it. In fact, so widespread is this phenomenon that most people have no idea that it is in operation within their thoughts. And there is no greater enemy than the one unrecognized.

Our tendency to cling to family life with rapt attention is the family romance – one which often has a love/hate theme. We may spend many years reacting to it, trying to escape its influence. Either way, it is imprisoning. The power of family over our consciousness is so inbred and strong that it will generally take a lot of work to free ourselves from it. We can recognize and then rise above clinging to the invisible mental structure of our family and using it for security, acceptance, and an agenda with which to approach life. The process of disengagement is much easier when the mental climate of the family already allows and encourages true independence, freedom, and respect. Less is held on to. Less is asked in return. The family romance is less commanding and certainly more conscious. To some extent, the disengagement is already active. Children grow up to find true independence, not the pretence of independence while all the time being driven by unconscious family conditioning. Such parents give their children back to God.

This article is from Love’s Longing 

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5 Replies to “Outgrowing Mother”

  1. The term independence necessarily means not relying on the approval of others. However, the need for family approval is such a strong subconscious need that it is hard to actually break free. Especially when we are not even aware that this need is lurking in the background.
    Thank you for your clear expose of the problems of not being aware of “mother love” and the need for mother’s approval. I am finding it useful to think of “mother love” as the unconditional love of our father, mother God. Being unconditional there is no “need” attached.

    1. I don’t agree with you on this one Donna.
      Aspects of it yes, but not all of it.
      After I lost my mum, I felt so alone and still do, despite been surrounded by many people who love me. Maybe I will never outgrow her love, and maybe I don’t want to.
      I so enjoy your posts!! You write so well

  2. That explains so much. Not only about myself but about my daughters as well. Thank you Donna.

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