Need and Neediness

Unless we are a puppy, neediness is not cool. Neediness in humans over the age of five is not a winning approach to life. There is a difference between seeking and asking for what we truly need and neediness as a character trait. We have a tendency to be repelled by needy people. There is a part of us that would love to crawl up in a little ball on the sofa and call out to Mummy to feed us and Daddy to protect us. Most of us refrain from doing that. The most trustworthy assurance against neediness is an emotional and spiritual maturity which gives us a calm, quiet confidence. We know that there is a Higher Power or Life Principles which we can lean on so as not to lean too heavily on others. We accept everything good in life which comes from other people. However, we do not demand, coerce, beg or passively manipulate people into giving us anything. We get what we need by allowing the positive principles of Life to guide our steps.

Killing Self-Pity

There was a lady at the dance studio that had her lesson around the same time as me. I noticed she was well-dressed, refined, eager to learn, and grateful to her teacher. One other thing I noticed was that she never seemed to look directly at me and if I smiled at her, she didn’t seem to want to respond. I felt she must be very absorbed in her lesson and didn’t want to engage with anyone else. One day, after about a year, I decided to speak directly to her. I suddenly realized she was completely blind. I was impressed. She asked for help when she needed it but she tried to be as independent and gracious as possible.

One of America’s greatest presidents was paralysed with polio in the earlier years of a promising political career. Overcoming the challenge, Franklin Roosevelt went on to become four-time president of the most powerful nation in the world. He couldn’t walk a step without pain and effort but there was no neediness in him. He focused on what he had to give. Even though Roosevelt was in a wheelchair, he had an attractive presence. It is interesting that one can be an attractive person by virtue of one’s inner qualities alone.

We have a tendency to be repelled by needy people. They make us cringe. The reason we find neediness such an offensive quality is because we are repulsed by own secret vulnerability to neediness. There is a hidden part of us all (for some, not so hidden) that would love to crawl up in a little ball, on the sofa, with a blankie and call out to Mummy to feed us and Daddy to protect us. Most of us refrain from doing that, most of the time anyway. However, the desire is there and we are somewhere on the scale of neediness, trying to develop within ourselves that wonderful and attractive quality of being genuinely emotionally independent. It is interesting that attractive people are never needy people. What is coolness other than the quality to be a leader, not a follower? And the leader is not needy.

The most trustworthy assurance against neediness is an emotional and spiritual maturity which gives us a calm, quiet confidence. We know that there is a Higher Power or Life Principles which we can lean on, so as not to lean too heavily on others. We accept everything wonderful in life which comes from other people. However, we do not demand, coerce, beg, or passively manipulate people into giving us anything. We get what we need from life by allowing the positive principles of Life to guide our steps.

This article is from Love’s Longing