Although the search for love is a universal one, once it is found, the joy is soon replaced with problems such as the reality of the other person, our own issues or the interference of other people and life. If there is not outward conflict then there is usually conflict within ourselves. To follow the search for personal love is unsatisfactory, yet, to reject the search is more unsatisfactory. Relationships are, generally, the most meaningful and powerful learning experience we tend to have in life.
The quest for love is not wrong. However, who we are putting in command of the search party is flawed. Given no other apparent guide, we put our ego in charge of the mission. That’s like putting a young child in charge of the household. He or she will oscillate between being a demanding tyrant and being overwhelmed with irrational terror. The ego asserts that it desperately wants love. Yet, it is structurally incapable of accepting it. It cannot thrive or even survive long-term in the presence of real love. Should we trust that it is going to lead us to the very thing that will destroy it? When the ego is our commander-in-chief, it will work against finding and aligning with love. Although it will claim that it is diligently seeking love, it is doing the opposite. Whenever it is in the territory of real love, it gets nervous and defensive and soon goes AWOL or defects to another team.
The companion we choose before choosing our human companions is what will determine the outcome. We choose either the ego or spirit as our initial companion. Both will be campaigning for our vote. The ego uses every trick it knows. It seduces with talk of our deservedness. Then it ignites our fear that we are actually worthless and should do all we can to hide this fact. It is the mother of all liars and will try and terrify us into accepting its guidance. Spiritual love and the ego are not compatible mates. If one is winning, the other will be losing. There are irreconcilable differences.
The Presence of Love
We don’t know what love is and so we, often, mistake it for something else and we cannot see when it is actually present. We hope, somehow, to get it from someone else. That doesn’t work. Love cannot be possessed, manipulated, threatened or tricked. It will not bow before anything which destroys the spirit. It waits for the quiet moments when the ego has finished talking, demanding, complaining, and scaring. It tries to reassure us that it can be trusted and that it truly has our best interest at heart. It tells us that even if we reject or insult it, it will not be offended.
When love is present, the conflict within our being lessens. There is an assurance inside us which is invulnerable to the ego’s constant, defeating propaganda. The more space love is given, the less power the ego is allowed. We find that the ego is simply not needed in the same way anymore.
This article is from Love’s Longing