The Trouble with Falling in Love

A Mind of Its Own

Although highly enjoyable (at certain stages), falling in love is problematic. The first problem is who we can fall in love with. We can fall in love with anyone:

  • a gay person when we are not gay (or maybe we are gay but the wrong gender)
  • a married person who happens to be not married to us (or we could be the married person falling in love with someone other than our partner)
  • an unsuitable person in terms of age, personality, lifestyle, or future goals
  • or, worst of all, a person who doesn’t love us in return.

However, even if we fall in love with a gender and sexual orientation-appropriate, availability-appropriate, age and life goals-appropriate person, falling in love is still highly problematic because of the inherent dynamic of the process itself. This leads to our second problem – the design of the falling in love mechanism. Falling in love seeks to achieve a thing that it is incapable of achieving. It seeks wholeness but inevitably leads to pain, fear, and failure. We need not give up on love but we do need to understand it. Continue reading “The Trouble with Falling in Love”

Sex as a Moving Meditation

Many good people carry with them sexual inhibitions and guilt. Sexual desires are a normal and natural part of being human. Avoidance, fear, guilt, and prudishness about sex have no place in a healthy, balanced perspective on life. If we are relaxed, grateful, considerate, and confident then our sexual relationship with our loved one will probably be happy, problem-free, and satisfying for both people or, at least, it will be moving in that direction. We can acquire an attitude to sex which is liberating, caring, and open. From a spiritual perspective, we can enjoy it in the same way that we enjoy every other beautiful and pleasant thing in the human experience – with not too much attachment but not repressive and condemnatory. Continue reading “Sex as a Moving Meditation”

Surrender and Wholeness in the Bedroom / Sex and Healing

Surrender and Wholeness in the Bedroom

The bedroom is the place of surrender. It is where we surrender to sleep, each night. As Dr Hora would say, Sleep is practising to die. We release from the day: from our troubles and worries and from our excitements and projects. We surrender to unconsciousness; never knowing, for sure, if we will wake up again. And, of course, the bedroom is the place where we make love.

Continue reading “Surrender and Wholeness in the Bedroom / Sex and Healing”

Intimacy – sexual relationships

In order to enjoy a close and intimate bond with our partner, we need to be mindful of the emotional state of the relationship. Without an honest and genuine emotional bond of trust, a high quality sexual relationship will never be achieved. Sex will become non-existent or the domain of one controlling partner over one submissive partner or a mutual using of each other’s body. Each individual brings with them all that they are outside the bedroom walls into the sanctity of the enclosed bedroom space. With humour, goodwill, and enthusiasm, the skill level of both people can improve rapidly. A few good sex books can do wonders for a couple. We cannot assume that our partner understands the sexual needs of a body that has a different physical and emotional functioning to our own. Even gay couples cannot assume to know how a different person functions sexually, though it is the same structural type of body. Every good-natured experiment is one step closer to a more satisfying experience. A couple may even choose to investigate such ideas as the meridians and pressure points of Taoist foreplay if they would like their sexual relationship to become more holistic and healing. Continue reading “Intimacy – sexual relationships”

Transforming Sexual Energy

At various times in our life, we may wish to transform sexual energy into higher energy which is useful for spiritual development. This can happen spontaneously and unconsciously such as when it is not possible to discharge sexual energy in a normal, healthy sexual relationship. It can, sometimes, happen that those in the process of intensive, creative work will temporarily cease sexual activity in order to channel all of their energy into their work. Top level athletes will often refrain from sexual activity before an important event in order to save their life-force for the task at hand. The lack of a suitable mate can trigger the automatic transfer of frustrated sexual energy into the higher energy centres where it will be used for the mental, creative, and spiritual progress of that individual. Continue reading “Transforming Sexual Energy”