Every intimate relationship with a partner will bring back old, unfinished childhood-parenting issues. They lie in wait, to resurface in a different context – one in which we are an adult and can start to process things that were beyond us as a child to even understand, let alone resolve. The parent who abandoned, for example, is not gone. The whole issue and every emotion attached to it will come stomping back into the arena under the guise of an adult relationship. When we look for a partner, the last thing people generally want is some connection to their own, usually faulty, upbringing. However, the in-built healing push in humans will make the connection inevitable. Continue reading “Connection”

The Great Death – poem

I stood at the back of the funeral room. Very still.
Black dress. Black coat. It’s cold.
Purposely alone. Ears closed.
Not wanting to hear the tirade of sweet lies.

Did they not know you were already dead? I think they did.
They walk with the dignity of a funeral crowd into the tea room.
I can see them chatting happily through the window.
“What a fantastic guy he was. Cheese or meat sandwich?”

I sit outside, next to you. No one can see. No one bothers to look.
Sinking to fresh earth, I ask you why you did that to yourself.
Why did you cling to that which fed you a slow poison?
Why did you betray that which was guard to your soul?

There is no reply.
The words get taken by the chill wind.
You cry in your sleep.
The tears never see the light of day.

The sadness is not this death.
You are not even dead. You are just over there.
The sadness is the other death – the death that doesn’t end.
The one that follows behind, ever present with its grey, hollow touch.

Walk a bit further. There is a different land not far away.
The people in it have the magic to break the icy fingers of the great death.
I heard that you don’t even have to pay. However, you have to find their door.
It is only found by those who pay the other price.

This poem is from Love’s Longing 


The Good Fight

Fighting, in some form or another, is natural for couples. Humans cannot live in such a connected space as coupledom without coming to terms, in one way or another, with the many misaligned components of themselves and their joint world. Just as every person is different, every combination of people is also different and so people naturally need to find their foundational rules with each other in a way that is agreeable to their own particular natures. For some couples, a certain less-than-enthusiastic look or word will be the extent of their fight but the effect will be the same as a big argument. It will send the couple into a self-examination of what was meant, if what was meant was right, and what to do about it. For other more robust couples with robust relationships, fighting can safely be a fairly major event. Continue reading “The Good Fight”

Likes and Attractions

Many people have a fear of being accused of liking someone. It is meant as a put-down. It implies we are pathetic and delusional about our own worth. In order to avoid any such implication, we can go to great lengths to make sure that we never extend the hand of friendship or open our heart to another, in case it is misconstrued or rejected. As one becomes more whole within oneself, one naturally becomes less able to be humiliated. To be able to humiliate someone is a sure way of keeping that person in check. However, if we are not easily humiliated then we have taken a great power from our enemies. Continue reading “Likes and Attractions”

Relationships and Affairs

Relationships don’t break down because of affairs. Relationships break down because of what is happening within the relationship itself. Affairs are the end result, not the precipitating factor. That doesn’t mean that the participants are aware of the breakdown and, even less, that they have openly communicated about it.

How To Not Have An Affair: Continue reading “Relationships and Affairs”