Somewhere along the way, there develops within the soul a yearning that can no longer be ignored; a craving for the great Love affair. We feel it drawing ever closer. It is the greatest of them all. It cannot fail. It is all-consuming. It is incomparable. It is the love affair with our own true nature and the source from which it comes. The desire is in all of us but, more often than not, it is ignored for other interests. We wrestle with each interest, trying to make it work, growing with each adventure until the light has grown bright enough for us to reach for it.
Human love is the shadow of the Great love; its child. And of all human loves, it is romantic love which has the most riveting effect upon our soul. Ageless and perennial, it is forever finding an outlet in poetry, music, dance, story-telling, and the media. We never tire of it. It commands attention at so many turns, such is the longing for its presence in our life. It is not by accident that it has such an unfailing pull on our psyche. If we cannot connect with visible human love, we will not be able to find the invisible Love. Human love is leading us, most of us unknowingly, straight to the divinity of our own nature. And that nature leads us, in turn, to the source of life itself.
We love with all our heart, in every way that we can love but the heart is not burdened. We learn to keep it light and pliable. It has space. It breathes. It waits on Life to give instructions. It sings with sweetness when the winds are soft and warm. It stands with calm patience when the storm is brewing. It lets go when death and seeming endings have left their irrefutable mark. It moves. It heals. It hopes. It allows Life to be lived in the safe, fertile, and still inner space where it grows stronger and more compelling every day.
Walking Through the Dark Places
It is our deepest hurts which have the power to help and heal us. What else carries an internal fire big enough to force us forwards? What else has the momentum to wake us up? What else has enough pain to make us long for something better? What else will drive us into the waiting arms of that beautiful, invisible life-force which yearns to help us? What else will teach us to feel the love which has no betrayal; the love which seeks only good?
The human cannot be ignored or ostracized – it will always win. It must be trained by a higher wisdom and a growing spiritual power.
Not As It Seems
What is This For?
To get to the underlying intention of anything, it helps to ask ourselves, WHAT IS THIS FOR? We can ask it about everything. Eventually, it is not necessary to ask it so often as experience and wisdom lead the way with little effort. Once asked, we must listen for the answer. Don’t listen to the ego’s answer. Its answer will, usually, be the opposite of the truth. Ask with an open mind. Once we know what a particular venture or relationship is based on, we will also know its outcome. We are not trying to understand intention so that we can then damn every person who thinks badly of us. We are trying to understand intention so that we are safer, our loved ones are safer, and so that our life projects are not sabotaged. And we want to help other people to become a better version of themselves. We are not blaming people for acting and thinking badly. Acting and thinking badly is normal in our world. We want to help it to improve. We want everyone to improve.
Hating and Healing
We are not trying to understand intention so that we can damn every person who thinks badly of us. We are trying to understand intention so that we are safer, our loved ones are safer, and so that our life projects are not sabotaged. We want to help other people to become a better version of themselves. We are not blaming people for acting and thinking badly. Acting and thinking badly is normal in our world. We want to help it to improve. We want everyone to improve.
We learn to accept change graciously. Who did what to who is a trifling matter compared with preserving a stable and peaceful mind. In this way, all change will be to our benefit and will be an advancement in our capacity to fulfil our potential. Life will reward us with love, respect, and success. There is never a day when the world is not asking for our caring, courageous love. If we share that love freely and bravely, we will always have love returned to us. The world becomes our home and its inhabitants become our family.
Certainly, it is good for the personal self to have clear goals and a designated path to those goals. However, we work against fulfilling ourselves and our goals by having tunnel vision and insisting on the way we, at least, at the moment, want. Numerous ways are possible, many of which we will be unaware of until they materialize.
Life can evolve in a most positive but unexpected manner if we do not resist it and kill its tender beauty with our fears. We all have inner abilities to fulfil, a path to patiently discover, people to connect with who will become pivotal in our life, and a love of certain things which make us feel glad to be alive. Every little step in that direction, every little decision to allow that movement to happen, every brave letting go, and every open embracing will bring us what we need.
I am always safe.
I am protected by God who cares for me day and night.
God’s power is infinitely greater than any power to the contrary.
The angels are around me, keeping me safe, and whispering good things into the ears of my friends and enemies.
There are many, passed-over loved ones (even those I do not know) who watch over me and pray for me.
I have a purpose on Earth and God will help me to fulfil it.
I release my fears. I am at peace.
Instinct tells us to protect our body. It is the precious and irreplaceable holder of the life-force which allows us the privilege of human existence.
The ego is always looking for support because, essentially, it is very afraid and is constantly failing to give us the happiness it promises. It doesn’t know what it is doing. It has delusions of grandeur that unfailingly disappoint. It is a poor guide and companion compared to the spirit, albeit, a loud one. There is a beautiful grandeur in us. If we claim it, we would never again turn to the trifling and pathetic attempts of the ego at grandiosity.
Relationships are a Living Thing
Even if our life circumstances take a while to reflect our inner decisions, once decisions are made, everything in our life will move in the direction of aligning with that.
The Good Fight
A bad fight is anything which does not help to move the relationship and the people involved forward. If one dominates the other, it will eventually be at the expense of the relationship. Everything depends on the intention. If the intention is to hurt, belittle, ignore, reject or win then good will struggle to come from that. If the intention is to wrestle with some boundaries and deal with unresolved issues then that is positive and important. Love for the other person and respect for their rights, as well as our own rights, will set a steady course for any argument. Of most value is a sincere desire to make the relationship work which, after all, is often why we fight. We want the relationship to honestly work.
We give our all to our relationships. We give our love, pain, joy, fear, and hope. We give our body, mind, and spirit. We trust the other person with all that we are. Fighting is a small price to pay for the opportunity to give something as beautiful as a person’s whole being. The really beneficial relationships are the ones where we are deeply connected to the other. Sometimes, they tear us apart and then reform us. They can be painful and scary ventures. One has to have courage. One day, there will be nothing left to fight about.
Relationships matter. Who they are with and in what form they manifest is secondary to the quality of the relationship. Is it truthful? Is it life-changing? Are we present? Is the other person ‘there’? Does it engage us? Does it help us grow? Relationships ultimately teach us love but we need to be available to learn it.
When we share our naked bodies, our financial future, the range of our good and bad emotions, our dearest dreams, our most painful memories, our trembling fears, our fragile hopes, and our sweetest joys then a relationship cannot be anything other than a uniquely powerful opportunity.
Pick Me Up, Put Me Down
Hitting the Spot
Contrary to popular opinion, the primary goal of relationships is not to make us happy. Relationships make us grow. That growth will, with time, naturally increase our happiness. Growth has a price, and that’s the bit we don’t like paying. It ranges from uncomfortable to downright torturous depending on the issue, how deeply seated it is, how much work we have previously done on it, how resistant we are to working on it, and how much painful emotion is attached to the issue from past experiences. At any price, it’s still a bargain.
Fear of Grief
People hurting us helps us to let go of wanting them to love us. It is the beginning of learning how to love purely.
If we are afraid of the pain of grief, we will be afraid of confrontation. We may not leave relationships that should be left for fear of grief. We may be reluctant to enter into relationships that should be entered into for fear of them not working and the consequent suffering. Love, surprisingly, helps to heal the loss of love. Not the soppy love of romantics. Not the self-seeking love of infatuated would-be lovers. Not weak, needy love, but real love. It says, ‘No matter what, I will do what is best for you, me, my child, my friend, and those I dedicate my love to. If that is painful, I will still choose it.’
Pull to Partner
The companion we choose before choosing our human companion is what will determine the outcome. We choose either the ego or spirit as our initial companion. Both will be campaigning for our vote. The ego uses every trick it knows. It seduces with talk of our deservedness. Then it ignites our fear that we are actually worthless and should do all we can to hide this fact. It is the mother of all liars and will try and terrify us into accepting its guidance. Spiritual love and the ego are not compatible mates. If one is winning, the other will be losing. There are irreconcilable differences.
Those Who Belong To Us
There is a small group of people who are our special ones: our partners, children, and other loved ones. They are our dearest ones. Somehow, they belong to us and us to them. We didn’t really choose them but nor did we not choose them. Our beloved children did not just randomly come to us. Long before their material arrival, they were a part of us, as we have always been a part of them. Partners and other dearly loved ones, likewise, did not just randomly appear in our life as if, just as easily, we could have missed them or replaced them with some other random. No, they are the ones that were marked in our heart already. We recognize them as belonging to us. This belonging gives love a certain stability, permanence, and resilience.
People are naturally drawn together – those who belong to each other. It’s a very instinctive thing. Such important decisions as who to let into our life and in what way we will let that person in are best made from a deep knowing in our heart. Many relationships seem irrational to other people. Sometimes, the depth of a relationship and what the people will do to remain together may seem incomprehensible. If we understand there is a certain belonging to each other then it helps to go with the flow of life. Sometimes, people come together for a short time as that is the design of that relationship. Sometimes, it’s a lifetime. Sometimes, it’s much longer than one life on Earth.
In the end, so long as love is present, we will not miss out. Love attracts love and it is always rewarded. We must trust that our love will inevitably return to us, even if we cannot demand in which way and at what time we will have it returned.
There is a part of us that knows the timing of any relationship. It knows things that we cannot work out. It knows when to say yes. It knows when to say no. It knows when to wait. It knows when something has finished. It knows when something has started. It knows when we have a responsibility to another person. It knows when the ties are untied. It knows if they are not. It will not betray us or another.
The Love of Lovers
We don’t know when a compatible person will come into our life. We don’t know, for sure, if they will leave or stay. If they leave, we don’t know if they will return. We don’t know if we will always feel the relationship is compatible and if we will want to be there. We don’t really know anything. We can only graciously accept what life brings and all the terror of change that comes with it and then keep moving forward. Life is not static. It doesn’t start nor does it end. It changes form. It is ongoing with highs and lows, successes and crushing failures, experiments, beautiful moments, touching visions, angers, forgiveness, awe, and love.
If we learn not to grab, insist, manipulate, or force then the precious moments have more chance of just appearing, usually, when we are not looking. They may even stay a little longer if we do not grasp onto them insisting that they do not move. With practice, consistency, and commitment to the evolution of the partnership, something beautiful and meaningful has a chance of evolving.
It is for the very reason that we cannot control other people and that they may be very different to us that something alive and interesting may happen in life.
In Love with Life
Falling in love is falling in love with our own and another’s truest self. It is ignited by the presence of another but we become beautiful ourselves as well as seeing beauty in the other. A man or woman in love is a magnet for love and affection from everywhere. While we deeply appreciate who God has given us to love, nevertheless, we can learn to be in love with the whole of life. To be in love with Life is to be in touch with our spiritual essence. It is to see beauty and loveliness wherever we go. It is to see the glow of divinity in all those around us. There is less need to fret over our loved one’s presence or absence. There is less need to possessively fear our loved one’s affections or interests. Love does not come from another person, although, it will pass through another’s heart. It comes from the great source of all life.
To be in love with Life is to be in touch with our spiritual essence. It is to see beauty and loveliness wherever we go. It is to see the glow of divinity in all those around us.
If we try every day to find that place inside us that can see a little more light and give a little more love, the quality of our life will improve significantly. We all long for love. It is the human inheritance to have such a longing. However, we must discover that in order to find it, we must give it. And when we learn to give it, we find that it is, quite amazingly, everywhere around us.
The Great Love Affair
To find the great Love, we must, one way or another, die the great death.
All love is good, and all love leads to the same place.
The soul must first realize that something seems to be missing before it can, one day, know that nothing was missing at all.
Efficacy of Learning
The driving motivation of a spiritual teacher is to show that while the extent of human problems is understood, there is a different way of seeing life.
Love and Perseverance
If love isn’t there, nothing will last long. If it is present, there will always be hope and, in the end, it will win. The presence of love is vital and sacrosanct.
The path is paved with consistent, conscious mental and spiritual alertness and the gradual growth of goodness in our heart and clarity in our mind. We are awake. If we keep trying to understand, we will understand. If we keep telling ourselves that we are loved by Life and if we keep looking for evidence of that love, we will find it.
Faith changes us – faith in something intrinsically good, something other than ourselves, something bigger than ourselves.
TOUCHED BY LOVE
The body is the holder of our life force. Protect it, value it, and use it, but don’t think it is an end in itself.
Be kind to yourself. Pain is not a judgement. It is a path indicator.
The nature of nature is to heal and energise. Whenever we give it a little of our time and attention, it dissolves our problems, realigns our body, clears our mind, and awakens our spirit. And it’s free.
The price of a successful relationship is devotion. Devotion is, essentially, commitment to something we value. What are we devoted to? Surely not what another person wants. I think most people would agree that being devoted to that would be problematic even with the best of people. So, what exactly are we devoted to? We are devoted to the well-being of another person. And we are devoted to the wellbeing of the relationship. We honour the value of the other person and we honour the worth of the relationship.
Our family is a place where we can have a profound impact on other people. Try to make that impact as positive, life-enhancing, and encouraging as possible.
Break Up and Evolution
Life is in a constant state of evolution and that involves countless, big-and-little breaking-downs for things to be made-up, reformed, reborn.
No one has to be a martyr on the spiritual path. On the contrary, everyone should be entirely selfish. Not selfish in the normal sense of the word, but selfish in the way of knowing that the spiritual path means we value everything which adds to our own well-being. When we love, we live with connectedness. When we forgive, we feel stress-free. When we create, we live with inspiration. When we follow our inner direction, we feel alive. Is that even a choice?