All significant relationships have a price. It’s not that relationships are a sacrifice. After all, who wants a life of sacrifice? It is more a matter of priorities. We can’t do everything in life and we can’t be with everyone in life. In choosing what we will do and with whom, we automatically make priorities. If something is at the top of our list then other things have to come second or third or last. Continue reading “Relationships and Commitment”
A Mind of Its Own
Although highly enjoyable (at certain stages), falling in love is problematic. The first problem is who we can fall in love with. We can fall in love with anyone:
- a gay person when we are not gay (or maybe we are gay but the wrong gender)
- a married person who happens to be not married to us (or we could be the married person falling in love with someone other than our partner)
- an unsuitable person in terms of age, personality, lifestyle, or future goals
- or, worst of all, a person who doesn’t love us in return.
However, even if we fall in love with a gender and sexual orientation-appropriate, availability-appropriate, age and life goals-appropriate person, falling in love is still highly problematic because of the inherent dynamic of the process itself. This leads to our second problem – the design of the falling in love mechanism. Falling in love seeks to achieve a thing that it is incapable of achieving. It seeks wholeness but inevitably leads to pain, fear, and failure. We need not give up on love but we do need to understand it. Continue reading “The Trouble with Falling in Love”
The Manhattan hairdresser asked with genuine intrigue, “But, darling, how did your husband ever find you in Australia?” Amy could see that he was envisaging Arthur setting off from the United States on a quest to find his wife-to-be and, against all odds, finding her amongst the wild kangaroos of outback Australia. There was more than a little truth in it. Amy laughed. Continue reading “How Did He Ever Find You? – short story”
Thomas was a man who didn’t cry about himself. He cried at movies. That was other people’s lives. He was used to carrying on with his responsibilities. However, this particular day, Thomas was sobbing. Kathleen hugged him and said, “I’m so sorry Tom. We have been friends so long. I know you want us to be together but I feel that we are better as friends.” He apologised but kept crying. After many years of weariness in his personal life, Thomas finally had the opportunity to be with someone he wanted to be with. Thomas, also, knew that in order to move into the next stage of his life, he would need to change many things and those around him wouldn’t like it. Courage wasn’t his strong point. He was good. He wasn’t brave. Kathleen said she could help him as a friend. Thomas felt that it would not be enough. He was probably right. He loved Kathleen but, more than that, he needed her. Thomas felt that it was so close to getting what he wanted but Kathleen’s answer was still no. Continue reading “It Was Only Natural – short story”
Relationships matter. Who they are with and in what form they manifest is secondary to the quality of the relationship. Is it truthful? Is it life-changing? Are we present? Is the other person “there”? Does it engage us? Does it help us grow? Relationships ultimately teach us love but we need to be available to learn it. Continue reading “Connection”
Relationships don’t break down because of affairs. Relationships break down because of what is happening within the relationship itself. Affairs are the end result, not the precipitating factor. That doesn’t mean that the participants are aware of the breakdown and, even less, that they have openly communicated about it. However, when the relationship has already started to dismantle, at an underlying level, one or both people are vulnerable to being drawn into a relationship with another person. Not infrequently, having an affair is someone’s unconscious way of being able to move on from the relationship. It’s not a great way and it will carry the karma of betrayal. Honest communication, although painful and inevitably angry, is preferable.
How To Not Have An Affair: Continue reading “Relationships and Affairs”
Unless we are a puppy, neediness is not cool. Neediness in humans over the age of five is not a winning approach to life. There is a difference between seeking and asking for what we truly need and neediness as a character trait. We have a tendency to be repelled by needy people. There is a part of us that would love to crawl up in a little ball on the sofa and call out to Mummy to feed us and Daddy to protect us. Most of us refrain from doing that. The most trustworthy assurance against neediness is an emotional and spiritual maturity which gives us a calm, quiet confidence. We know that there is a Higher Power or Life Principles which we can lean on so as not to lean too heavily on others. We accept everything good in life which comes from other people. However, we do not demand, coerce, beg or passively manipulate people into giving us anything. We get what we need by allowing the positive principles of Life to guide our steps. Continue reading “Need and Neediness”
Some people do not have to consider the issue of infidelity because they are not able to attract the attention and affection of anyone to be faithful or otherwise to. For such a one, the task of this lifetime is to become a more beautiful person so that others will be drawn to them. It is the person’s inner being – their confidence, engagingness, and contribution to life – which will have the most impact on an increase in attractiveness. It is surprising to see how supposedly ordinary looking people suddenly seem to radiate beauty when they have improved their level of happiness and self-esteem. People look at them whereas previously they were ignored and overlooked. Continue reading “Fidelity and Infidelity”
In life, there are so many people who need love but we cannot personally love everyone. We must find those who belong to our own particular karmic groupings. How do we make such important decisions? Whenever we decide to invest a considerable amount of time in one person or a group of people, we can make that choice based on a feeling of rightness in our soul. The rightness may be recognisable by a sense of peace or happiness or balance. It may be recognisable by a sense of destiny unfolding as it should. It could be that the thought of leaving someone or something, in some form, feels distinctly unsatisfactory. Many of our human connections are not logically explainable. They come from the unconscious. The unconscious, karma, and destiny are all siblings. Karmic connectedness means that we are destined to play a part in certain people’s lives because we have a higher connection which cannot be easily broken. Continue reading “Destined Relationships”