All significant relationships have a price. It’s not that relationships are a sacrifice. After all, who wants a life of sacrifice? It is more a matter of priorities. We can’t do everything in life and we can’t be with everyone in life. In choosing what we will do and with whom, we automatically make priorities. If something is at the top of our list then other things have to come second or third or last. Continue reading “Relationships and Commitment”
A Mind of Its Own
Although highly enjoyable (at certain stages), falling in love is problematic. The first problem is who we can fall in love with. We can fall in love with anyone:
- a gay person when we are not gay (or maybe we are gay but the wrong gender)
- a married person who happens to be not married to us (or we could be the married person falling in love with someone other than our partner)
- an unsuitable person in terms of age, personality, lifestyle, or future goals
- or, worst of all, a person who doesn’t love us in return.
However, even if we fall in love with a gender and sexual orientation-appropriate, availability-appropriate, age and life goals-appropriate person, falling in love is still highly problematic because of the inherent dynamic of the process itself. This leads to our second problem – the design of the falling in love mechanism. Falling in love seeks to achieve a thing that it is incapable of achieving. It seeks wholeness but inevitably leads to pain, fear, and failure. We need not give up on love but we do need to understand it. Continue reading “The Trouble with Falling in Love”
The Manhattan hairdresser asked with genuine intrigue, “But, darling, how did your husband ever find you in Australia?” Amy could see that he was envisaging Arthur setting off from the United States on a quest to find his wife-to-be and, against all odds, finding her amongst the wild kangaroos of outback Australia. There was more than a little truth in it. Amy laughed. Continue reading “How Did He Ever Find You? – short story”
Thomas was a man who didn’t cry about himself. He cried at movies. That was other people’s lives. He was used to carrying on with his responsibilities. However, this particular day, Thomas was sobbing. Kathleen hugged him and said, “I’m so sorry Tom. We have been friends so long. I know you want us to be together but I feel that we are better as friends.” He apologised but kept crying. After many years of weariness in his personal life, Thomas finally had the opportunity to be with someone he wanted to be with. Thomas, also, knew that in order to move into the next stage of his life, he would need to change many things and those around him wouldn’t like it. Courage wasn’t his strong point. He was good. He wasn’t brave. Kathleen said she could help him as a friend. Thomas felt that it would not be enough. He was probably right. He loved Kathleen but, more than that, he needed her. Thomas felt that it was so close to getting what he wanted but Kathleen’s answer was still no. Continue reading “It Was Only Natural – short story”
Every intimate relationship with a partner will bring back old, unfinished childhood-parenting issues. They lie in wait, to resurface in a different context – one in which we are an adult and can start to process things that were beyond us as a child to even understand, let alone resolve. The parent who abandoned, for example, is not gone. The whole issue and every emotion attached to it will come stomping back into the arena under the guise of an adult relationship. When we look for a partner, the last thing people generally want is some connection to their own, usually faulty, upbringing. However, the in-built healing push in humans will make the connection inevitable. Continue reading “Connection”
Relationships don’t break down because of affairs. Relationships break down because of what is happening within the relationship itself. Affairs are the end result, not the precipitating factor. That doesn’t mean that the participants are aware of the breakdown and, even less, that they have openly communicated about it.
How To Not Have An Affair: Continue reading “Relationships and Affairs”