Jealousy, Possessiveness, and Falling in Love


We all know the sting of jealousy. It’s painful. Jealousy within the context of a love relationship is really fear. We are afraid that someone will take away that which we have become so attached to and, to varying degrees, have based our life on. However, that fear can quickly turn into anger. Even though we will not have meant to hurt our loved one, that is exactly what we will do in proportion to our jealousy. It’s a destructive human trait although it is automatic in human nature unless deliberately curbed.

If there is genuine cause for concern over your partner’s fidelity then take a serious and searching look at the state of the relationship. If there is no legitimate cause for concern, in order to calm our fears, we can remind ourselves that we cannot be our partner’s one and only blessing in life. Healthy people need a variety of people in their life. In turn, they bring that emotional health back to us. We don’t want a needy or obsessive or possessive or depressed partner. The reassurance and confidence that our partner gets from knowing that he or she is an attractive person adds to the whole person that they bring into all of life including back to us. Their emotional well-being is to our advantage.

When our partner is jealous, we can reassure them that we know what we are doing (make sure that you do know what you are doing), and if there are any issues they will be discussed fully and freely with them (no withholding information), and that our intention is to be a loving and sharing person in life. Then live like that so your partner will believe you. You will even believe yourself.


As humans, we have a great tendency to want to possess those who are important to us. The more pivotal they are in our life, the more we will have to fight the feelings of possessiveness. To some extent, they are inevitable, however, we can conscientiously work against these feelings of fear, doubt, and the corresponding anger which will often arise.

We don’t know when a compatible person will come into our life. We don’t know, for sure, if they will leave or stay. If they leave, we don’t know if they will return. We don’t know if we will always feel the relationship is compatible and if we will want to be there. We don’t really know anything. We can only graciously accept what life brings and all the terror of change that comes with it and then keep moving forward. Life is not static. It doesn’t start nor does it end. It changes form. It is ongoing with highs and lows, successes and crushing failures, experiments, beautiful moments, touching visions, angers, forgiveness, awe, and love.

If we learn not to grab, insist, manipulate, or force then the precious moments have more chance of just appearing, usually when we are not looking. They may even stay a little longer, if we do not grasp onto them insisting that they do not move. With practice, consistency, and commitment to the evolution of the partnership, something beautiful and meaningful has a chance of evolving. It is for the very reason that we cannot control other people and that they may be very different to us that something alive and interesting may happen in life.

Love is not sour, it is sweet and soft. Love is not moralistic, it is wise. Love is not prudish, it is open and sensitive. Love is not resentful and closed, it is grateful and expectant. Life is complex and relationships equally so. To love freely but not to hurt; that is the balance. And it is a balance which constantly changes. Not only does one have to deal with one’s own desires, emotions, and needs but one also has to deal with other people’s desires, emotions, and needs. Combine this with the fact that life is constantly evolving and the inner being of people is, likewise, constantly evolving and it creates a complex field to navigate.

Falling in Love

Falling in love is falling in love with our own and another’s truest self. It is ignited by the presence of another but we become beautiful ourselves as well as seeing beauty in the other. A man or woman in love is a magnet for love and affection from everywhere. While we deeply appreciate who God has given us to love, nevertheless, we can learn to be in love with the whole of life. To be in love with Life is to be in touch with our spiritual essence. It is to see beauty and loveliness wherever we go. It is to see the glow of divinity in all those around us. There is less need to fret over our loved one’s presence or absence. There is less need to possessively fear our loved one’s affections or interests. Love does not come from another person, although, it will pass through another’s heart. It comes from the great source of all life.

If we try every day to find that place inside us that can see a little more light and give a little more love, the quality of our life will improve significantly. We all long for love. It is the human inheritance to have such a longing. However, we must discover that in order to find it, we must give it. And when we learn to give it, we find that it is, quite amazingly, everywhere around us.

From Love’s Longing

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s