The Love of Being Loving: The Dark Night of the Soul

It is often in the utter despair of humanness that we become willing to consider deeply spiritual answers. Through the pathway of Metapsychiatry and the guidance and support of its founder, Dr Thomas Hora, I discovered a higher spiritual truth. The door and the guide will be different for most people, but once the door is open, we are all in the same territory. 

Spiritual truth irretrievably alters our way of seeing reality and our ability to heal both ourselves and other people. Most spiritual awakening is due to a total disappointment in the human condition to provide any sense of substantial happiness. It is a blessing in disguise. Our greatest need is for the love and assurance that spiritual understanding brings. If it were not for the common experience of human lovelessness and limitation, we would not be driven to seek a higher love.

My initial contact with Metapsychiatry was through a book given to me. Not long after reading the book, I was able to travel to the United States to attend the annual conference of Metapsychiatry. I went with my husband, an investment banker, twenty years my senior. I was twenty-two at the time, and Dr Hora was seventy. His presence radiated peace, assurance, love, and power. He was the only person I had ever met with the quality of being I was looking for. He instantly became my teacher, without reservation, and with a deep longing for growth and spiritual progress. 

Some days, back in Australia, I would repeat many times, God loves me. That is enough. I read the books daily, listened to the class tapes, and prayed all the time. I frequently spoke with Dr Hora on the phone, both from Australia and, for several years, from England (often in the middle of the night because of the time difference). I also regularly travelled to the States to see Dr Hora and attend his classes and the annual conferences. All of this occurred before the day of the internet. International communication was certainly not an easy process. 

Once, Dr Hora told me that it was the dark night of the soul. He assured me that it would lift, and I would be surprised at how happy I would be. Everything he told me, I soaked in desperately. This period was the crucible of vital and foundational importance in developing my spiritual understanding. 

In all the conversations I had with Dr Hora, the most often repeated and most important concept was, 

You have to understand that you are not here to get love. You are here to manifest non-conditional goodness, for God’s sake. You are here for God. If you are devoted to that idea, you will not be disturbed by what other people believe. You will never feel unloved if you know that that’s not what you are here for. We are all here for God and are to manifest non-personal, nonconditional benevolence with no strings attached. Love is its own reward. You don’t have to worry about what you are getting or not getting. You are here for God. That’s the bottom line. Once you learn to live that way, you will never be vulnerable to other people. Thomas Hora

To understand this is to understand the love of being loving. It radically changes us. People, in and of themselves, cannot give us happiness. Activities, in and of themselves, cannot give us happiness. At a certain stage of development, one releases all the attachments to people and activities as a source of happiness. In so doing, one finds a more subtle way of being present in the world. One becomes a loving presence, a centre for Divine grace. Once again, people and activities are enjoyed. Much more so. However, there is no craving or desire to get something, no expectation that the person or activity can fulfil us. One brings something—the love of God. 

During this whole period of suffering and mental and spiritual struggling, Dr Hora let me both suffer and struggle. He, at no point, tried to alleviate my suffering by human means—by sympathy, affection, or advice. He knew that if I kept going, the understanding of nonpersonal, divine Love would come. Wonderfully, it did. The darkness grew less, and the light came filtering in to remain a growing presence.