Although highly enjoyable (at certain stages), falling in love is problematic. The first problem is who we can fall in love with. We can fall in love with anyone. A gay person when we are not gay (or maybe we are gay but the wrong gender). A married person who happens to be not married to us (or we could be the married person falling in love with someone other than our partner). An unsuitable person in terms of age, personality, lifestyle, or future goals. Or, worst of all, a person who doesn’t love us in return.
However, even if we fall in love with a gender-appropriate, sexual-orientation-appropriate, availability-appropriate, age-appropriate, life-goals-appropriate person then falling in love is still highly problematic because of the inherent dynamic of the process itself.
Amira took every opportunity that crisp, glorious day to be outside. She walked down to the beach and returned via the shops and up the hill taking the longer route past Verloren’s holiday house. There was a For Sale sign in the front garden. She stopped to look at it and wondered why Verloren would be selling.
In the five years since Farkas sold this house to Verloren, thought Amira, he has lived at Charlie’s property in the back hills and in Ide’s bungalow, bought a house, started a relationship, had a baby, ended a relationship, and, hopefully, is now resurrecting that same relationship.
On the way to the Outer Circle (interdimensional):
Vera stood very still. She listened carefully to Mullum-Mullum. She did not want to miss any of the few words he was giving by way of instruction. In his customary style, Mullum-Mullum spoke in a meaningful but mysterious manner,
Think not you can return on the path that leads to the fork. Taken once, it disappears as the choice lies ahead. Both roads will lead to somewhere, but one will be to nowhere.
We all know the sting of jealousy. It’s painful. Jealousy within the context of a love relationship is really fear. We are afraid that someone will take away that which we have become so attached to and, to varying degrees, have based our life on. However, that fear can quickly turn into anger. Even though we will not have meant to hurt our loved one, that is exactly what we will do in proportion to our jealousy. It’s a destructive human trait, although it is automatic in human nature unless deliberately curbed.
The past few weekends in Waldmeer, Amira had been seeing a man out of the corner of her eye. She could tell that the man was no longer an Earth resident because he was translucent. That made it easy! If she looked at him directly, he would disappear. He was about her age. Tall, blonde, broad shoulders like a footballer. Amira felt that it was not actually her that he wanted to speak to. She guessed that he wanted to speak to someone in Waldmeer who couldn’t see him. She had no idea who, but life always has a way of telling us what we need to know.
* * *
Ide looked at his sleeping body. She loved those strong, broad shoulders. It was not only a beautiful body but, so far, it had proved itself to be a resilient one after all that he had put it through. Fabian’s body was not yet showing the ravages of recurring addiction. He was probably more at home in his body than anywhere else in this world. His mind was fractured. His spirit fragile. Yet, his body had always served him well. In sports, in love; he radiated physical health and competence. She wished that he would not destroy his beautiful body by a sick mind but she knew it was only a matter of time.
Amira hadn’t had the nightmare since she was twenty which was six years ago. Back then, she was known as Maria. It hadn’t even crossed her mind in the two years she had been living in Eraldus, in the city. Now that she was travelling each weekend back to Waldmeer, the nightmare was occasionally returning. It was strange because nothing could be more charming than Waldmeer; going to sleep and hearing the distant sea, waking to the forest birds, walking to the rhythm of the breaking waves. Some years ago, she had come face to face with the nightmare malevolence when she went to see her teacher, Erdo, in the forest. That occasion marked the first time Amira spoke to Maria. It was the beginning of many years of instruction from Amira to Maria. These days, Maria was back in the Homeland and Amira had sole charge of the body they had both inhabited. Some years were lost in the transition and Amira was now in her late thirties. Like all the secret ones who claim their spiritual inheritance, she seemed somewhat ageless.
Much of our heartache comes not from other people, but from our expectations of other people and what we feel they should bring into our lives. If our heartaches were truly caused by other people, we would have little power to heal our hurt. Healing would primarily be left to the passage of time and, even then, the big heartaches could easily be reignited. The, often unrecognised, factors which have brought about our heartache will be based on a myriad of beliefs ranging from reasonable to downright ridiculous. However, this makes no difference at all to the pain we feel because our pain is not coming from our mind but from our heart. It’s no point arguing with the heart. It doesn’t help to talk reason. The heart doesn’t even hear. It doesn’t know that language. It is instinctive – for good and bad. Whereas the mind will try and patiently think through the reasonableness of any situation, the heart is powerless to do so. The heart is all feeling and it flows from a great line of experiences and expectations, both remembered and forgotten.