Believing In Ourselves

Many people chastise themselves for not believing in themselves. Such belief is crucial to our development and happiness. However, the common approach to getting it is flawed and won’t help us. Mostly, what people really mean is to believe that they are better than other people, often, particular people known to them. Human nature constantly compares itself to others to work out how it is doing. Continue reading “Believing In Ourselves”

The Loss and Gain of Friendships

We all experience the loss of friends and changes in our relationships. It may be our decision, the other person’s, jointly decided or something thrust upon us by life. The loss may have come from something negative like jealousy, ill-will, anger or fear. It may have come from a decision based on what seemed best for all concerned. It may have been the natural outcome of something that life brought into the arena. Regardless, we can practise these principles of healing and growth: Continue reading “The Loss and Gain of Friendships”

Coping with Meanness

Apart from the love in life, everyone also has a lot of meanness that happens to them. Sometimes, it is brought on by our own actions or attitude. However, even if we are careful to keep a good attitude in life, there are countless times when others will have ill-will towards us. In fact, if we try to fulfil our potential in life then it is guaranteed that much of that meanness will come from jealousy. If you are a man that women look at, be prepared for a lot of male ill-will. If you are a woman that men are interested in, be prepared for more than your share of female jealousy. Of course, much of the time it is not blatant meanness. Mostly, it is disguised in some form. It is the nature of human psychology that in order to progress in life, people feel that they need to undermine the competition. In the long run, it doesn’t work but that doesn’t seem to have any impact on lessening this human tendency. Continue reading “Coping with Meanness”

Nice is Not Always Nice

Being nice may seem loving but it can be driven by a diverse range of underlying motives such as wanting to be liked, fear of rejection or wanting a favour. All of these motives are weak and inherently do not work. Trying to be popular never gets the result. Trying to be loved never makes us loved. Trying to get respect never makes us respected. Pacifying and being conciliatory towards damaging people does not turn them into well-intended, trustworthy creatures. Continue reading “Nice is Not Always Nice”

What Are We Afraid Of?

On the opposite end of the scale to the needy person is the excessively non-needy person. They have their own problems. Usually, the reason that the person is non-needy is because they have put a lot of effort into protecting themselves from other people, generally for good reason. They have learned that emotional independence is an effective means of protection. And it is. However, the emotional independence often becomes isolation. It pushes everyone away. It is indiscriminate. It cannot distinguish between what is harmful and what is beneficial. Everyone is lumped into the same basket of not to be trusted. Continue reading “What Are We Afraid Of?”

Healing of Abuse

One of the damaging things that can happen in life is sexual abuse. That is particularly so when it comes from a parent or a religious figure who is meant to carry the purity of love and guardianship. It leaves the body of the victim with a distrust and disgust of one of nature’s most brilliant inventions – the human body capable of and programmed for sexual bonding. It leaves the heart of the victim with a black hole of emotional wariness and fear. Oh yes, it’s damaging alright. Obviously, the innocent need to be protected and the guilty called to justice and contained. This helps, but does it heal? Does it heal the body? Does it heal the heart? No. Continue reading “Healing of Abuse”