The Trouble with Falling in Love

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A Mind of Its Own

Although highly enjoyable (at certain stages), falling in love is problematic. The first problem is who we can fall in love with. We can fall in love with anyone:

  • a gay person when we are not gay (or maybe we are gay but the wrong gender)
  • a married person who happens to be not married to us (or we could be the married person falling in love with someone other than our partner)
  • an unsuitable person in terms of age, personality, lifestyle, or future goals
  • or, worst of all, a person who doesn’t love us in return.

However, even if we fall in love with a gender and sexual orientation-appropriate, availability-appropriate, age and life goals-appropriate person, falling in love is still highly problematic because of the inherent dynamic of the process itself. This leads to our second problem – the design of the falling in love mechanism. Falling in love seeks to achieve a thing that it is incapable of achieving. It seeks wholeness but inevitably leads to pain, fear, and failure. We need not give up on love but we do need to understand it. Continue reading “The Trouble with Falling in Love”

Jealousy and Falling in Love

Jealousy

We all know the sting of jealousy. It’s painful. Jealousy within the context of a love relationship is really fear. We are afraid that someone will take away that which we have become so attached to and, to varying degrees, have based our life on. However, that fear can quickly turn into anger. Even though we will not have meant to hurt our loved one, that is exactly what we will do in proportion to our jealousy. It’s a destructive human trait although it is automatic in human nature unless deliberately curbed. Continue reading “Jealousy and Falling in Love”

Searching For Love

Although the search for love is a universal one, once it is found, the joy is soon replaced with problems such as the reality of the other person, our own issues or the interference of other people and life. If there is not outward conflict then there is usually conflict within ourselves. To follow the search for personal love is unsatisfactory, yet, to reject the search is more unsatisfactory. Relationships are, generally, the most meaningful and powerful learning experience we tend to have in life. Continue reading “Searching For Love”

Because of You

There is a deep-seated belief that we get love from other people and if that is not working for us then we will tend to feel that something is wrong with those who should have or should be providing it for us. If we could but see that in the normal egoic mind, there is always a because of you. The trouble is that the “you” that we are blaming got their pain from another “you”. Most people are in an, at least, partially sinking emotional ship. Few are squarely on dry land. The “you” that we are accustomed to blaming is a victim themselves – if not from someone else then from their own thoughts. Continue reading “Because of You”

The Loss and Gain of Friendships

We all experience the loss of friends and changes in our relationships. It may be our decision, the other person’s, jointly decided or something thrust upon us by life. The loss may have come from something negative like jealousy, ill-will, anger or fear. It may have come from a decision based on what seemed best for all concerned. It may have been the natural outcome of something that life brought into the arena. Regardless, we can practise these principles of healing and growth: Continue reading “The Loss and Gain of Friendships”

Coping with Meanness

Apart from the love in life, everyone also has a lot of meanness that happens to them. Sometimes, it is brought on by our own actions or attitude. However, even if we are careful to keep a good attitude in life, there are countless times when others will have ill-will towards us. In fact, if we try to fulfil our potential in life then it is guaranteed that much of that meanness will come from jealousy. If you are a man that women look at, be prepared for a lot of male ill-will. If you are a woman that men are interested in, be prepared for more than your share of female jealousy. Of course, much of the time it is not blatant meanness. Mostly, it is disguised in some form. It is the nature of human psychology that in order to progress in life, people feel that they need to undermine the competition. In the long run, it doesn’t work but that doesn’t seem to have any impact on lessening this human tendency. Continue reading “Coping with Meanness”

Tyranny and Freedom

Most people would not think of themselves as tyrants, yet, emotional tyranny is a very common trait. It is submission, in some form, which is being coerced. Such a person will automatically tend to surround themselves with weaker people. Anyone who is equally as strong or stronger will have been extradited. The thing that is often desired is respect. Continue reading “Tyranny and Freedom”